Episodes
Monday Aug 22, 2016
How to Be the Best Best Friend
Monday Aug 22, 2016
Monday Aug 22, 2016
Fiona is running anincredible seminar next Saturday that you do not want to miss. It started as trainingfor our care bears, but we wanted to open it up to everyone because theinformation about how to help another person going through hard times anddifficulties is valuable to all of us.
As preparation, I wantto look at how to be the best best friend…
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
Two are better thanone, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one willlift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has notanother to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how canone keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone,two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.
James Taylor sang it,but we all need to believe it… There is nothing as good as having a friend. Welive in the age of social media, yet people have never been so lonely! You canhave 500 friends on Facebook, yet be the loneliest guy in the world.
So what is the bigdeal about friendship, why do we desire it so much and how can we be the bestfriend of somebody else?
WHAT REALLY MAKES USHAPPY?
A recent study by researchers looked the age-old mystery of what makes people happy,and their answer is not what might be expected. Consistently at the top of thecharts is not success, good looks, or money. Money doesn't buy happiness, it just means you can bemiserable in comfort!
The clear winner inevery culture is relationships- especially closerelationships.
What can be done to build goodrelationships? To be honest, the answer is “not much.” We cannot do a whole lotto cultivate healthy relationships. Techniques do not work.
Relationships are moreabout being than doing.
Real relationships evolve out of being acertain kind of person. We must focus on who we are in relationships ratherthan what we do. We need to target“being” the right person in order to foster the right relationships. So how canwe be the best person we can find for each other?
Proverbs 12:26
The righteous choosetheir friends carefully,
but the way of thewicked leads them astray.
Today I want to lookat what being a best friend truly is, how you can be the best of best friendsto those you love, and how to attract the very best friends around your life tohelp you become everything that God wants you to be.
Here’s some thingsthat you need to be to be the best of best friends…
1. BE SOMEONE WHO LISTENS
At the heart of every good relationship isthe ability to listen and understand what another person is saying. Withoutaccurate listening, a good relationship can never be built.
Job’s so calledfriends lacked a little in this department. Job’s life was in tatters, so theycame and sat with him, and let him talk… Full marks for that so far… They lethim talk, but doesn't mean they listened, right?
Job 2:11
Now when Job's threefriends heard of all this evil that had come upon him, they came each from hisown place, Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite, and Zophar the Naamathite.They made an appointment together to come to show him sympathy and comfort him.
But they didn't listen!
Job 13:4-6
As for you, youwhitewash with lies;
worthless physiciansare you all.
Oh that you would keepsilent,
and it would be yourwisdom!
Hear now my argument
and listen to thepleadings of my lips.
People who have good relationships take thetime to hear what the other person is saying. They don’t have a habit ofinterrupting or jumping to conclusions. They listen to the feelings the personis expressing, and they know how to respond appropriately. They not only hear, they listen and try tounderstand the other party.
We need to practicereflective listening. Like a mirror reflects an image,we can reflect the person’s message by saying something like, “What I hear yousaying is . . . ” This kind of a reflection lets the person know we are reallyinterested in accurately understanding them and their issues.
Like many husbands, Iam good at hearing without listening, especially when the football is on. Itdrives Fiona nuts!
It also does wonders for building goodrelationships. Listening is not arguing every point, orexpressing your views on everything, it is listening, understanding and lettingyour friend know that they are getting a hearing.
The best best friendis someone who listens.
2. BE SOMEONE WHO IS SAFE
In a sticky situationDavid found himself the object of King Saul’s wrath, but David had a closefriend in Saul’s son, Jonathon…
1 Samuel 18:1
After David hadfinished talking with Saul, Jonathan became one in spirit with David, and he lovedhim as himself.
A close relationship is built on feelingsof security. If people do not feel safe, there is no hope of them ever openingup and being authentic. People who keep their word create a sense of securityfor people in a relationship. They follow through on the promises they make. Ifwe promise to keep a secret, we must keep it. We must keep our word. Once wehave earned a person’s trust, our relationship will flourish.
The best best friendis always safe.
3. BE SOMEONE WHO IS HONEST
Most people look forfriends that agree with them… even if they are wrong! If their friend neverchallenges them, they feel comfortable around them, and that is what manypeople look for.
Listen, being a goodfriend is not empowering someone to ruin their life! Many friends are likethis… They just support you even if you are destroying yourself. Drugs friends,friends who encourage you to sleep around, drinking buddies… So many choosetheir friends based on them agreeing with their lifestyle.
I've had friends moveaway from me because I do not agree it's their lifestyle. Friends don't have tosee eye to eye, but they can walk hand in hand!
Or they can say, “Here,I'm your best friend, let me help you ruin your life!”
Proverbs 27:6
Wounds from a friendcan be trusted,
but an enemymultiplies kisses.
This is where thevalue of a mentor is found. EveryTimothy needs a Paul and every Paul needs a mentor too.
A mentor is someonewho speaks into your life, whether it's good or bad!
In my position as apastor, I urn to people I can trust… Dr Bill Newman, Ps Marie Cartledge, Ps RodJobe, and many others.
My friend does me a favourwhen he finds me in error or shows me a fault that my blind spot doesn’t allowme to see. That’s the value of a closefriend. He or she loves you enough totell you the truth. Fiona does this wellfor me.
I would rather havethe wounds of a friend because they cut in order to heal, but “the kisses of anenemy” only flatter me and may inflate my ego increasing my pride and stunting myspiritual growth.
The best best friendis somebody who is honest, even if the truth hurts a bit.
4. BE SOMEONE WHO LENDS A HAND
John 15:13
Greater love has noone than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends.
In rewarding relationships, people not onlyhave feelings of security, they also help each other out. Sometimes that helpmay be seen in tangible ways - a liftto church, for example.
And sometimes it may be through givingreassurance before you take a big exam or have that critical interview.
Thepoint is that we should help them because we want to, not because we have to.As the saying goes, “That’s what friends are for.”
Once there were twomen who were trapped in a cabin on a mountain during a blizzard. The drifts were so high that there was no waythat they could go for help. Obviously,this was before cell phones so there was nothing much they could do but try andwait it out and hope that help would come. As the days passed and the snow continued to fall, the two men becausedesperate as they scrounged for anything that they could find to eat. The cabin that they had borrowed didn’t havemuch of anything to eat. After about thetenth day, it appeared that they weren’t going to make it because they wererunning out of food.
That was when one ofthe men said that he was going to go out and try to find help. He went into the upper portion of thesplit-level cabin, found some snow shoes, and went through the upper window ofthe cabin. He never came back. After a few days, his friend went up into theattic to try and look out the window to see if he could see his friend. Therehe found a note that said, “I know that there wasn’t enough food for the bothof us to live much longer and I couldn’t bear to see us both die of starvationso I thought that you should be the one to survive. I love you my brother.”
True love, true friendshipinvolves a valid expression of your love. In other words, demonstrate yourlove, live it out and be practical in your friendship
My uncle Eric use towalk to church every Sunday, and wave to a guy who was always sitting on thefront porch. He wondered how he could reach out to him, and they exchangedgreetings every Sunday. This went on for several years.
Then one day, Eric noticedthe man shovelling in a hole. He asked what had happened, and was told that thegrease trap was broken. Have you ever smelled a grease trap. Possibly the mustpungent smell ever.
Eric said nothing, butturned and went home. He got changed out of his Sunday best and into overalls,went back and joined the man digging in the sewer.
Next week the man wentto church. A few weeks later he came to Christ!
The best best friend isalways there for you lending a hand when it's needed.
5. BE SOMEONE WHO IS EMPATHETIC
To build good relationships, people have tostop seeing only their point ofview and learn to see the world from another person’sperspective.
Selfishness does not fostergood relationships. To become the best best friend, you need to start seeing thingsnot from your point of view, but from the viewpoint of your friend.
The fancy word for this is “empathy”. Oncewe put ourselves in other people’s shoes, we begin to understand why they mightreact, feel, and think the way they do. Of course, empathy does not comenaturally; it takes work. It takes a decision to see life as another personsees it.
Nobody cares how muchyou know, until they know how much you care. Theodore Roosevelt.
Galatians 6:2
Bear one another'sburdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ.
“Before you criticisea man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticise him,my you'llbe a mile away and wearing his shoes.” Steve Martin
A best best friend bearsanother's burdens. He doesn't just criticise, he empathises.
6. BE SOMEONE WHO CAN RECEIVE
This is a hard one forme, and many of you. I find it easy to be generous to others, but not so easyto receive in my hour of need.
If a relationship isall running one direction, you'll soon tire of it. When the scales of arelationship are unbalanced-when one is always receiving and one is alwaysgiving-both people will eventually feel cheated.
In healthy relationships, people meet eachother’s needs. There is a give and take that keeps both sides in balance.
We must learn to allow people to care for us asmuch as we care for them. We must not fall into the trap of thinking that inorder to be a good friend we have to do all the giving.
Colossians 3:12-14
Put on then, as God'schosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility,meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaintagainst another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so youalso must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everythingtogether in perfect harmony.
A best best friendknows how to give and receive in a relationship.
7. BE SOMEONE WHO WEATHERSTURBULENCE
Fair weather friends are worth very little, because a truefriend stands by you in your darkest hour… Even if you are the cause of it!
Proverbs 17:17
A friend loves at alltimes,
and a brother is bornfor adversity.
A true friend evensticks by you if there is conflict between them and you. Every relationshipexperiences conflict at some point, and when this happens you might feel liketaking your bat and ball and going home.
You need to recognisethat every good relationship eventually encounters arough spot, a time when one or both people feel like giving up. It happens in marriages, it happens in friendships.
Itis a scary phase in relationships, butbe encouraged because it usually indicates that both parties aregoing beneath the surface to talk about their true feelings, their likes anddislikes, the good and the bad. Openingup may bring turbulence, but ultimately your friendship will be stronger forit, if you let it.
Bill Newman describesmarriage as two rivers flowing together… Initially there is a time ofturbulence, but soon they combine to be more powerful than before. The same canbe said of true friendship.
But if we are mature enough, and if wepersevere, the time of relational turbulence can lead to a deeper, moregenuine, and more authentic relationship than before.
Conflict is often the temporary price wepay for deepening intimacy in relationships.
A best best friendweathers the turbulence of the relationship.
8. BE SOMEONE WHO BRINGS THE BESTOUT IN ANOTHER
Henry Ford said, “Mybest friend is the one who brings the best out in me.”
This is so true abouta truly best friend. They encourage, invest in and spur on you and your growth.If you are a friend who brings people down rather than builds them up, you areno friend at all!
Proverbs 27:17
Iron sharpens iron,
and one man sharpensanother.
I have discovered thisverse to be true time and time again. I always choose to hang out with thosewho challenge and inspire me, rather than those who deflate and depress me. Andthat is the friend that I want to be too!
So the best best friendsare those that inspire, challenge and bring the best out in others. They causeyou to lift your eyes to the hills, to strive for excellence and encourage youin your walk with God. If you want to be a great friend, inspire others.
9. BE SOMEONE WHO KNOWS WHEN TO CALL IT QUITS
Ouch, this one isgoing to hurt!
Sometimes you need tobe big enough and brave enough to walk away.
Frankly, there aresome people you do not need to be friends with. I’m not saying get nasty, throwthings or spread gossip about them, but some people are so toxic, sodestructive and drain you so much that you have to be brave enough to walkaway!
1 Corinthians 15:33
Do not be deceived:“Bad company ruins good morals.”
Some friendships aretoxic. If you are close friends with someone who drags you down, especiallyspiritually, if they are the reason why you fall back into sin, then you needto distance yourself from them.
There are some relationships that are notworth the work. Of course, every relationship needs nurturing, but somerelationships, no matter how hard people try to make them work, are doomed todisaster.
Maybe the other partyis a taker, and all you do is give. Maybe they tempt you back into your old,sinful ways. Maybe they mock and attack your faith.
2 Corinthians 6:14
The Temple of theLiving God
Do not be unequallyyoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness withlawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?
Ifwe are in a relationship that leads us to do things that we do not want to do,the relationship is not healthy and mayneed to be stopped.
If we are in a relationship where we areconstantly trying to win the person’s approval or never feel accepted, therelationship is probably not a good one. When that is the case, we need to callit quits before the other person’s rejection damages us and limits ourusefulness to God.
10. BE SOMEONE WHO REFLECTS CHRIST
Relationships are complex and require certain fundamentalelements plus, of course, time. In buildingrelationships, it is more profitable to examine ourselves to determine the typeof person we are, rather than focusing on chasing down the friends we want.
As a believer, we arecalled to reflect Christ. In fact, we are called to be like Him. If you want totruly be the best friend you can possibly be, and thereby attract the bestfriends ever, then reflecting Christ in all you do and say is the best way todo it!
2 Corinthians 3:18
And we all, withunveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into thesame image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lordwho is the Spirit.
Are you beingtransformed daily into the image of Christ? Are you living for yourself or areyou a living, breathing reflection of Jesus. Do you act to gratify yourself, ordo you want to serve the Lord and those around you.
This morning, I amasking you to commit to being the best best friend. And I'm going to ask thatif you have a feeling of estrangement or separation that is causing you pain,that you stand up and let us pray for you. In particular, if you have a toxicfriendship we need to pray and ask for wisdom.
Comments (0)
To leave or reply to comments, please download free Podbean or
No Comments
To leave or reply to comments,
please download free Podbean App.